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Thursday, January 17, 2013

A Balance of the Heart and the Mind 心和心智的平衡

A Balance of the Heart and the Mind


January 07, 2013


Kochi, Kerala


(Sri Sri at the International Leadership Summit)



1863

In a home, do you know who the real leader is? Is the father the leader of the house, or the baby?
You will be surprised to know that it is the baby that leads the house. It is around the baby that the entire family circles, isn't that so?!
That is why, I consider myself as a baby; as a child.

A real leader needs to have these two qualities, one of the head and the other of the heart - Sensibility and Sensitivity.
Often what we see, people who are very sensible, are not sensitive, because they are so focused on reason; on being sensible and logical. And then there are those who are very sensitive that at the drop of a hat, tears come into their eyes, but they are not sensible enough.
Neither of these two can become a good leader, because you need to have a balance of both - Sensibility and Sensitivity; heart and mind, because we are all made up of these two very important aspects of our life.
Intellect has its unique place, and so do our emotions.


In the past century, the emphasis has been only on the intellect. A tear in a man's eyes was considered to be something weird. How can a man cry?!
And a woman taking a mike, and standing up and speaking, or fighting for her rights, was considered to be weird. And that is how the society was. Women could not lead!
Of course, not in Kerala. In Kerala, a different system has been there. But world over, women were not given that intellectual power to speak because she was brushed aside as the more fair and sensitive race. Today, the scenario has changed.
Today, we need sensibility and sensitivity. We need that softness of a female in every leader, and the strength and perseverance of a male in every woman, then one can lead any organization. What do you say?!
There is something very important that I want to tell you. Whenever we have to discuss about leadership, or anything very dear to our hearts, we need to be in a very informal atmosphere.
So, why don't we just take half a minute, to greet the person behind us, in front of us, to our sides, saying, 'I belong to you!'

Done?! Did you greet the people near you?
Some of you were so shy to even say 'Hi' to others.

Many times, we find leaders in such a position. They don't look at people, they look somewhere else and keep talking. They can't relate to people, isn't it?!
So did you really tell the people around you, 'I belong to you'; or you did it as a formality?

You must have noticed, when you get off the plane, the air hostess greets you saying, 'Have a nice day!' They say this much but they don't really mean it.
In the same way, most of the pleasantries that we exchange in our daily lives, is from that level. We say, 'Hi', or 'Welcome', but there is no warmth of welcoming someone.
But the same words, when it comes to you from someone very dear to you; your mother, or your sister, or close friend, then it carries some vibrations.
Most of what we communicate is through vibes, and words play a very small part of it. Your vibrations send more messages, even before words come out of your mouth.
A leader when he relies on his words should know for sure that his words will not be relied upon.
If you rely on words so much, people will not rely on your words. It has to come from deep within. That is what is called sincerity, when there is a connect between your vibes, your feelings and your words.
You may tell me, 'Gurudev, it is so difficult to match these three. How is it possible?! If everybody could match these three, everybody would be a saint. It is not practical!'
I tell you, okay, I agree with you. You will not be able to match it 100%, but at least can you match 25%. That much you can do, because people can feel it; sense it.
So we convey a lot through our vibrations than through words. Words are important but it needs that presence.

People are intelligent, they can make out when you really welcome someone and when you are doing it as a formality.


Okay, I have another exercise for you. Will you do it? Are you ready?
Can you turn to the person next to you and tell the person, 'I don't trust you!'
If your spouse is next to you, this is an opportunity! (Laughter)
You all did it so quickly?!
Did you notice that it was not easy to do that. This is the very first time that you must have told someone, 'I don't trust you', and you started laughing and they started laughing as well. Transformation has begun.
You were not relying on their words and they were not relying on your words, isn't it?!

Just for a minute close your eyes, and just imagine, no one trusts you. Everybody is telling you, 'I do not trust you.'
You may open your eyes.
How do you feel? Relieved?! Awful?!
(Audience: Awful; miserable; uncomfortable; desperate; sad; horrible; dejected)

You know, this is what we generate when we have this attitude, 'I don't trust anybody.'
We create such a vibration, that anybody who comes around us, they feel that we feel that way, and then there is mistrust in society, and that is how society starts going down and conflicts arise.
Do you know, most conflicts can be solved at the very beginning itself, if the pact of trust is attended to.
See, when you feel nobody trusts you, you feel so bad, and you feel such a bad vibration all around you, and that creates such an atmosphere that is not good for you or for anybody else.
I don't mean that you have to be naive, but at the same time I want you to look at this aspect of trust. A society which has no faith in human values cannot flourish, or progress, or be creative, on any count. This is my conclusion.

Now you may ask, 'What about self-doubt. I trust others but I don't trust myself.'
This is another form of the same disease. Lack of trust in yourself leads to lack of trust in others. Lack of trust in others leads to lack of trust in the values of society, which leads back to lack of trust in oneself.
This needs to be corrected. And anything that corrects this should be welcomed.
Trust between communities, trust between members of the same family is important.
I would say, it is stress that is responsible for distrust.

Don't think everyone is a fraud. There are good people on the planet and that counts for majority of them. The world is bad today, not because of a few bad people, but it is the silence of the good people that has created unfavourable situations. Now it is in our hands to change this.
Each one of you is a leader, don't look for a leader.
What is important is to lead from behind. A real leader is not one who emphasizes, 'I am the leader, you must follow me', instead he says, 'Go forward', and he pushes others in front. 'I am here with you, so you run'; just like the coach who assists his participant in a running race, or a coach who teaches you swimming.
Someone argues, how can I jump into the water when I don't know swimming. But unless you get into the water, how can you learn swimming?! You can't swim in the air. So that guidance has to come from one's own very life's example.

You have seen the big uproar that has happened in India. Finally people have woken up to the plight of women. It is not the first time that a woman has been abused, it has been happening for many years and in many places. People have woken up, and everybody is demanding that these people need to be punished, but they are leaving out one person, i.e., Mr. Alcohol.
If these people were not drunk, perhaps they would not have gone out of their senses. And if these people were in their senses, perhaps they would not have committed such a crime. But they were totally drunk. Isn't it?!
It is alcohol which is the first culprit.

I keep hearing of this everyday; every single day. Men drink at night and then they go and beat up their wives, and in the morning they ask her for forgiveness, and she forgives them and life continues.




Q: You just said that alcohol is the main reason behind the Delhi gang rape case. But today, there have been cases of young girls being raped by their own fathers. In those cases, it is not just alcohol. What is the bigger problem?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Correct, it is not alcohol which is the main reason behind this case.
Sex offenders have primarily three issue. One is hormone issues, where there could be some serious hormonal imbalances in them.
Second is emotional disturbances. The person must be a victim of some sort, within themselves.
Third is, total deterioration of human values.

So, these three things together can make a person do such criminal acts which they themselves would regret.
It is not that they would feel very happy that they have achieved something great. They are doing such a bad thing to a small child.
They are compelled because of their sick mind, imbalanced emotions and hormones. So these kind of people need treatment. They definitely need counselling, and society needs to provide them with this kind of counselling without any stigma.
Do you know, this is not just in rural places, in fact, it is more in all the advanced countries. In world over, this problem of child molestation is prevalent. So many such cases are there. Father molesting his own daughter, we have heard of something like this in India only recently, but this has been happening in America for so many years. And it has gone to an extent with all these television shows, that sometimes, children start doubting, 'Oh, maybe my father did like this to me.'

I want to share one such case with you.
An elderly couple came to me. Their daughter who at time was already 38 years of age, suddenly thought, after watching all these talk shows, that she is a victim. That her father did this to her when she was a child.
So suddenly, after this television show, the relationship between the parents and the daughter became so bad.
The father was crying, saying, 'How can I ever do such a crime. My daughter thinks I have done this to her.'
So, some of these television shows can make such an impact as well, that it destroys the family.
Are you understanding what I am saying? It took me quite a while to sit them all together, to counsel them, to make them meditate, and all that.
Of course, finally the family came together, they could let go of these impressions.
Many times people consider themselves as victims to draw more attention. These kind of things also happen in society. 
We need to put an end to crime against women and children at any cost. This can only happen when society turns more spiritual, more humane and more sensitive.

Q: If government is corrupt, how can the nation create good governance.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: The government has no personality, it is the people in the government who become corrupt. It is the people who can become incorrupt as well.
See, corruption begins where the sense of belongingness ends. Nobody can be corrupt with people whom they think belong to them. They will not take bribe from their friends and family. They take bribe only from those whom they find are outside their sense of belongingness.
So, corruption and crime, these two things have to be removed, otherwise the government cannot be effective.

Criminal elements in the government is a horrible thing.
Do you know why every party gives tickets to these criminal elements? It is because they have a vote bank. If you, the good people start making your own vote banks, you can dictate to every party, 'If you give tickets to criminal elements, we are not going to vote for you', then no party will dare to give tickets to corrupt people or to the criminal elements in society.
That is why I said, we should all, together, stand up for human values in society, united. Individually we all stand up for values, but we need to stand up being united.
If all good people in Cochin stand up and say, 'We will not allow Cochin to be polluted. We stand for cleanliness in our city', then things start changing.
I feel this is necessary.


Q: There are many corporations that are venturing into social responsibilities, but recently the government has introduced some policies where this is being thrust onto corporations. What do you have to say about this?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: If the government says that companies have to spend 3% of their profits on social responsibility, a good corporation would spend 4% of their profits, and not limit to the 3% as per the government's guidelines.
It is a good thing that the government has given such a guideline. At least 2% to 3% must be given towards corporate social responsibility.
I don't think there is anything wrong with this decision of the government. I think this one decision is very good, that every corporation should spend at least some percentage of their profit for the welfare of others.
This has been said in our Dharma Shastras as well. Anyone who gets any profit has to share a percentage of it for the welfare of society.


Q: Can you say something about entrepreneurship.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Entrepreneur is a projection of creativity. One aspect of creativity.
An entrepreneur has to come out of his or her comfort zone. One cannot say, 'I want to be in my comfort zone and I want to be an entrepreneur', that is not going to work.
Entrepreneurship always involves risks and the ability to undergo hardship.




Q: What is the significance of the culture of leadership in organizations?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: A leader has to walk the talk. Be sensible, sensitive and compassionate.
We need three things in life, Passion, Dispassion and Compassion.
You can't have only passion, then you feel very stressed out. You need to have dispassion, you need to know how to let go. If you keep holding onto things when they are out of your hands anyways, you will only be more stressed. And a stressful person is a burden for himself, for the society and for everybody.
A stressful person becomes harmful and toxic.
In any institution you should identify those who are stressed. The ones stressed are soon going to become toxic. So, see to it that the person changes his whole attitude and feels better about himself.
When people are relieved of stress, then you see a wave of change that arises.

It is not an easy task. If someone is not willing to let go of his or her stress, you cannot make them let go of it. So, it is an uphill task and you have to do that.


Q: You have already told that women are naturally good leaders, but there are not enough women leaders. Can you tell us, what are the barriers for becoming a good leader?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: I want to tell you that India has more women leaders than any other part of the world. Do you know that?
We have many women members of Parliament, many women in the legislative assembly, and many states ruled by women. The whole country has been ruled by women for several decades; so never think that you need to be empowered by somebody.
Here, in India, women are already empowered. America has to learn that. America has not yet come to that level as far as women empowerment is concerned.


Q: In my work environment, I meet different kinds of people, and I may not like talking to some of them. How do I be diplomatic in my approach?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: This is a very tricky question.
Sometimes if you are not direct, and if you don't tell them on their face, they think that you are giving them some other indications in a subtle way, or are confirming what they have in their own mind.
At the same time, you need not be rude when you need to express your opinions, or ideas, which you want to put forth. So, it is really about striking a balance.
There is no definite formula. You have to play by the ear.
How to be diplomatic - this cannot be taught now and applied later. It has to come out of you spontaneously at that moment.


心和心智的平衡

2013年1月7日 柯欽,喀拉拉

你們知道在一個家庭裡誰才是真正的領導者嗎?是父親還是嬰兒?你會驚訝的發現嬰兒才是一個家庭的領導者。整個家庭都會圍繞著嬰兒轉對嗎?這就是為什麼我把自己當成嬰兒;一個孩子。


一個真正的領袖需要有兩個品質,一個是頭,而另外一個是心——敏性和敏感度。通常我们所看到的是,靈敏的人,是不敏感的,因为它们很专注在理由;处在靈敏和逻辑。然后那些很敏感的人就连帽子跌了,眼泪都會涌出来,但是他们却不够靈敏。


这两者都不能成为好的领袖,因为你需要有两者的平衡——靈敏性和敏感度;心和心智,因为我们是由这两个生命里很重要的环节所组成。智力有它独特的地方,情绪也是。


在过去的世纪,重点就只是放在智力。一个男人眼里有眼泪就會被当成是件很奇怪的事。一个男人怎么可以哭!?而一个女人拿起麦克风,站起来演说,或争取她的权利,都会被当成怪事。那就是社会过去的模式。女人不能领导!

当然,不是在喀拉拉(Kerala)。在喀拉拉,有一套不一样的系统在那里。但是整个世界,女人还是没有给予知识的力量来发表因为她們被置之一旁就像那些比較公平和敏感的族群。今天,情況已經改變。
今天,我們需要靈敏性和敏感度。

我們需要在每一個領袖之內都有女性的柔軟,而在每一個女性裡都有男性的力量和毅力,這樣一個人就可以帶領任何的組織。你們怎麼說?
這裡我有些很重要的事情要告訴你。每當我們要討論領導能力的時候,或是任何和我們的心很貼近的事情,我們需要一個非常非正式的氣氛。所以,我們用半分鐘,去問候我們後面,前面,旁邊的人,說,『我屬於你!』

好了嗎?!你有問候靠近你的人嗎?你們當中有些人就連要說『嗨』都那麼害羞。

很多時候,我們發現領袖在這樣的位置。他們不看別人,他們看別的地方然後繼續說話。他們不能和人們連接,對不對?所以你真的有告訴你周圍的人『我屬於你』;或你只是把它當成一個禮節?
你可能有發現到,當你下飛機的時候,空姐會迎送你說『
祝你有個愉快的一天!』她們說那麼多但她們並不真正有那個意思。同樣的,我們生活當中多數交換的噓寒問暖,就是從那個水平的。我們說『嗨』或『歡迎』,但是我們對某人的迎接並沒有暖意。但是同樣的話語,如果是來自某些和我們親近的人;你的媽媽,或姐姐妹妹,或好友,那它就會帶著一些震波。
 我們多數的溝通都通過震波,而言語只是很小的部分而已。你的震波會帶些訊息,在言語還沒有從你的嘴巴出來之前就已經有了。一個領袖如果只依賴他的話語那他應該知道他的話語是不能被依靠的。如果你很依賴話語,人們是不會依靠你的話的。它必須來自內在的深處。這就叫做誠意,當你的震波,你的情感和你的話語有所連接的時侯。

你可能會告訴我,『古儒吉,要符合這三樣是那麼的難。這怎麼可能?!如果每個人都符合這三點,那麼大家都是聖人。這不實際!』我告訴你,OK,我認同你。你不能百分百符合它,但你至少要符合25%。你能做這麼多,因為人們可以感覺到它;感受它。所以比起我們的言語我們透過震波傳達的更多。言語很重要但是它需要那個存在。人們是很聰明的,他們會認出你是真正的歡迎某些人或你那麼做只是因為禮儀。

OK,我有另一個練習要給你。你們會做嗎?準備好了嗎? 你們可以轉向你隔壁的那個人並告訴他『我不信任你!』如果你的配偶在你隔壁,那這就是機會!(笑聲)

你們全都做的那麼快?!你們有沒有發現要這麼做並不容易。這可能是你第一次那麼告訴一個人『我不信任你』而你開始笑了而他們也開始笑了。轉變也開始了。你不依賴他們的話語而他們也不依賴你的話語,對不?!

就用一分鐘的時間閉上眼睛,就只是想像,沒有人信任你。每個人都告訴你『我不信任你』。
你們可以睜開眼睛了。你們感覺怎麼樣?松了一口氣?!糟糕?!(觀眾:糟糕;痛苦;不舒服;壓抑;傷心;恐怖;沮喪)

你們知道,這就是我們抱着『我不信任你』這種態度時所產生的。我們製造了這樣的震波,來到我們身邊的任何人,他們感受到我們這樣的感受,然後社會就有不信任,這也是社會開始淪落而衝突開始發生。
  你們可知道,衝突在最初的時候是可以化解的,如果信任的協議存在。看,當你覺得沒有人信任你,你覺得很槽糕,你感到很多不好的震波在你周圍,這製造了對你或對任何人都不好的氣氛。我並不表示你要變得很天真,但是同一時間我要你看看這個信任的方面。一個社會如果在人類價值上沒有信念那它是不會繁榮,或進步,或有創意,在任何情況下。這是我的結論。
現在你可能會問我『自我懷疑呢。我相信別人但我不相信自己。』這是同個疾病的另一個模式。對自己缺乏信任造成對別人也缺乏信任。對別人缺乏信任造成對社會價值缺乏信任,然後造成對自己缺乏信任。這需要被糾正。而任何能糾正這個的都是被歡迎的。社區之間的信任,家人之間的信任很重要。我會說,壓力需要為不信任付上責任。

不要去想別人是個騙局。這個星球上有好人而這是絕大多數。今天的世界是壞的,並不是因為那幾個壞人,而是因為好人的沉默造成這個不利的處境。現在這個改變就在我們手裡。你們每一個人都是個領袖,不要再去找領袖。 
 重要的是從背後領導。一個真正的領袖不是那個一再強調『我是領袖,你一定要跟從我』,相反的他會說『到前面去』然後他把別人推向前。『我和你們在一起,所以你跑吧』;就像個在賽跑比賽裡協助選手的教練,或是教你游泳的教練。

有些人爭議到,我要如何在不會游泳的情況下跳進水里。但是除非你跳進水里,不然你怎麼學游泳?!你不能在空中游泳。所以領導必須要來自一個人自己的生命例子。
你們看到印度升起的一大片喧嘩。終於有人被婦女的困境喚醒。這不是第一次婦女被虐待,這發生了很多年和在很多的地方發生。人們已經醒來,大家都在要求這些人被懲罰,但是他們遺漏了一個人,比如酒精先生。如果這些人不是因為喝醉酒,也許他們不會失去他們的理智。而如果他們還在理智裡,也許他們不會犯下這樣的罪行。他們是完全醉了。對嗎?酒精是第一個元兇。
我這幾天都聽到;每一天。男人在晚上喝酒然後他們就去打他們的太太,然後到了早上他們就請求她的原諒,然後她原諒了他們然後生活再繼續下去。


 問:您剛剛說到酒精是新德里輪姦事件背後的主要原因。但是今天,也有一些案件是年輕女孩被自己的父親強暴。在這些案件裡,就不只是酒精而已了。更大的問題是什麼?

古儒吉:是的,在這個事件的背後不只是酒精而已。性罪犯主要有三個問題。一是荷爾蒙的問題,他們可能有一些嚴重的荷爾蒙失衡。第二是情緒困擾。這個人必定是在某種形式下的受害者,在他們之內。第三是,人類價值的退化。
所以,這三者加起來會讓一個人犯下這樣一個讓他們自己都會後悔的犯罪行為。這並不是他們會為自己做了些偉大的事而感到高興。他們對小孩子做了那麼壞的事。他們是被逼是因為他們那生病的心智,情緒和荷爾蒙的不平衡。所以這些人需要治療。他們肯定需要被輔導,而社會需要在沒有任何恥辱的情況下給他們這些輔導。你們可知道,這不只是在偏僻的地區而已,事實上,在先進的國家有更多。在全世界,這類兒童性騷擾問題都在遍布。所以有很多這樣的案子。父親性騷擾自己的女兒,我們只是在最近才在印度聽到這樣的事件,但是在美國這樣的事情已經發生了很多年。而電視節目也已經到了一定程度上,所以有時候,孩子會開始懷疑 『噢可能我的父親對我做了這樣的事情。』

我要和你分享一個這樣的案件。一對年長的夫婦來見我。他們那時候已經38歲的女兒,突然想到,在看了那些脫口秀後,她是個受害者。她的父親在她年幼的時候對她做了這樣的事。所以突然間,在這個電視節目之後,這女兒和父母的感情變得很槽糕。這位父親在哭泣,說到『我怎麼會做這麼樣一個罪行。我的女兒突然說我我對她做了這樣的事。』所以,有些電視節目可以造成這麼樣一個衝擊,就是摧毀家庭。你們明白我在說的嗎?我用了好一些時間去讓他們坐在一起,開導他們,讓他們靜心,和其他的。當然,最後那個家庭又回到一起了,他們放下了這些印象。很多時候人們把自己當成是受害者為了得到更多的關注。這些事情也發生在社會裡。
我們需要不惜一切代價讓對婦女和孩子的犯罪案終結。這只有當社會轉向更有靈性,更人道和更敏感的時候才會發生。 

問:如果政府是腐敗,那國家要如何才能創造更好的管治?

古儒吉:政府是沒有性格的,是在政府裡的人變成腐敗。也只有人才能變成不腐敗。 看,腐敗是因為歸屬感沒有了。沒有人會對那些他們認為是屬於他們的人賄賂的。他們不會對他們的朋友或家人賄賂。他們只會對那些在他們歸屬感以外的人賄賂。 所以,貪污和罪行,這兩件事必須被去除,不然政府是不會有效率的。
在政府裡的犯罪分子是件恐怕的事。你知道為什麼一些黨把票給這些犯罪分子嗎?因為他們有投票陣營。如果你,那些好人開始有自己的投票陣營,你可以主宰每一個黨,『如果你把票給犯罪分子,我們就不會投你』,這樣就沒有黨敢把票給那些腐敗的人或是社會的犯罪分子。
所以我說,我們全都應該,一起,為社會的人類價值站起來,團結。個別的我們為價值站起來,但是我們需要團結的站在一起。如果在科欽(Cochin 地方名)全部的好人站起來說『我們不會讓科欽被污染。我們為這個城市的清潔站起來』,這樣事情就會開始轉變。我覺得這是需要的。

問:有很多企業都有涉足社會責任,但是最近政府推出了一些新的政策進入這些企業。您對這件是有什麼看法?

古儒吉:如果政府說企業應該用3%的利潤在社會責任上,一個好的企業至少要用4%的利潤,而不是只是限制在政府的3%方針。政府給這樣一個方針是好的。至少2%至3%應該給予企業社會責任。我不覺得政府的決定有什麼不對。我覺得這個決定很好,一個企業至少需要用利潤上的一些巴仙率在別人的福利上。這也是我們的 Dharma Shastras 有記載。任何人都應該把任何利潤的一些巴仙率分到社會的福利上。


問:您可以提一提創業嗎。
古儒吉:創業是一個有創意的投影。一個方面的創意。一個創業家必須從自己的舒適區走出來。一個人不能只是說『我要在我的舒適區而我要成為一個創業家』,這是行不通的。創業家時常都需要涉及風險和也需要經歷困難的能力。

問:領導文化在一個組織裡的有什麼重要性?

古儒吉:一個領袖需要言行一致。要有靈敏性,敏感度和富有慈悲心。我們在生命裡需要三件事,熱情,不動心和慈悲心。你不能只是有熱情,那你會覺得很壓力。你需要不動心,你需要知道如何放下。如果你只是緊抓著那些無論如何也是會離開的東西,你只會更壓力。而一個壓力的人是自己,社會和所有人的負擔。一個壓力的人會變成有害和有毒。
在任何機構裡你應該要辨認那些有壓力的。那個有壓力的很快會變成有毒。所以,去看到那個人完全改變自己的態度和對自己感覺更好。當人們從壓力中舒緩出來,你會看到一股改變的浪潮升起。
這不是件容易的事。如果一個人不願意放下他或她的壓力,你不能讓他們放下它。所以,這是件艱鉅的任務而你必須要去做。 

問:您說過女人是天生的好領袖,但是並沒有足夠的女些領袖者。您可以告訴我們,什麼是成為領袖的障礙嗎?

古儒吉:我要告訴你印度比世界其它的地方有更多的女性領袖者。你知道這個嗎?我們有很多女性國會議員,有很多女性在立法大會,和很多的州被女性統治。這個國家被女性統治了好幾十年; 所以不要去想你需要被某些人授權。這裡,在印度,女人已經被授權了。美國需要學習這點。美國還沒有來到授權給女士的那個階段。

問:在我工作的環境裡,我見到不同類型的人,而我也不喜歡和他們當中的一些人說話。我在建交上應該用什麼方法

古儒吉:這是個非常棘手的問題。有時候如果你不夠直接,
而如果你沒有當面和他們說,他們認為你是在以一些含蓄的手法給他們提示,或是在和他們確認他們腦子裡所想的。同一時間,你也不需要在你表達你要提出的意見,或想法的時候用粗魯的方法。所以,它是關於取決平衡。這裡沒有明確的公式。你需要去發揮。如何去建交 ——這不是件可以現在教等下就派上用場的。它必須是在那個時候自己發出來的。

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