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Friday, March 15, 2013

The Art of Raising Children 育儿的艺术

The Art of Raising Children

January 03, 2013

Berlin, Germany

1916
Q: It would be wonderful to have our children grow up happily in this sometimes difficult world. What can we give them besides lots of love when they are still too young for meditation?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Just play with them. Don’t try to be a teacher all the time and start teaching them. In fact learn from them and respect them. And don’t get too serious with kids.
I remember as a child, when my father would come home in the evenings, he would just clap and make us laugh. My mother was very strict but my father would just clap and make everyone laugh before we all went for dinner. Everybody had to sit together and eat. So before that he would just clap and chase everybody around in the house. Everyone had to laugh before we sit for food.
So don’t go on teaching them all the time, just celebrate with them, play with them, sing with them. This is the best thing.
If you always take a stick and say, 'Don’t do this, don’t do that', that is no good.

With kids, I feel you should play with them more and tell them stories sometimes. We used to hear a lot of nice stories when we were kids. Every day one story. It is good to bring up children with values through this way. If you tell them nice interesting stories then they will not glue themselves to the television and sit there all the time.
There are many stories for children; there is Panchatantra. One of our devotees is also making cartoons of the Panchatantra. Soon it will come out.
So it is good for parents to sit with the children and tell them stories that have morals. A story with a moral is good. And that quality time of one hour or half an hour that you spend with your children is good enough.
Also, don’t stifle them sitting with them for five to six hours. Quality time of 45 minutes to one hour is good, and this time should be very interesting. They should look forward to the time to sit with you and listen to stories.
I remember, I had an uncle, who was very fat, fair and had a round face. Every Sunday he would come to our house and tell us stories. We would all sit with him and he would tell us nice stories, and he would leave some suspense towards the end so that the next time we would be very curious to know what happens next.
So we do have such personalities among us. If not, your own kid can go and tell stories to some other kids. Their parents will also be very happy. They will find someone to baby sit, and that can be your service project as well.
So that human touch is needed.
Today children, from the time they wake up in the morning, they sit like a non-participatory witness in front of the television; isn't it?
Children sit in front of the television and go on surfing channels. The mother comes and says, ‘Hey, come for breakfast’, and they just don’t move. Sometimes, mother has to bring their breakfast in front of the television. This type of culture is no good. What do you think? How many of you agree with me?
Not more than one hour of television should be shown to children. You should limit the time for television, otherwise children will have this Attention Deficiency Syndrome. The brain gets so bombarded with all these images, it fails to register anything else and the kids become so dull later on. They cannot attend to anything. Thank God when we were kids we had no television.
How many of you grew up without television? We all grew up without television.
So children growing up with more television don’t seem to be as intelligent. You should limit the television to maximum two hours in a day.
Even for adults, one or two hours is enough, not more. It is too much for adults too. You know, all these nerves in the brain get so taxed with watching too much of television.
Sometimes people compel me to see television saying, 'Gurudev, this is very good.'
I can’t watch more than half an hour to one hour. It really taxes the mind.
I wonder how people watch two to three movies a week. Really we are draining the brain cells I tell you.
Just look at the people who come out of the movie theaters, do they look exuberant, energetic and happy? The way they go into the movie theaters, when they come out, how do they look? However nice the movie has been, they look drained; completely exhausted and dull, isn't it?
If you have not noticed, just stand outside a movie theater. You should watch when the people are going into the theater and when they are coming out. You will see a visible difference.
How many of you have noticed this? Even in you. Any entertainment recreation should energize you, but with watching movies, it doesn't happen that way.
Suppose you go for a live show, it is a little better than that, you don’t feel so exhausted. You go for a live music performance, it doesn't do that much. You do feel exhaustion, but not that much. How many of you notice this?
And when you come to satsang, it is just the opposite. When you come in, you feel different, and when you go out you feel energized.


Q: Do you think that little children should be told scary fairy tales, because there are some German tales which are scary and I've heard people say they shouldn't be told them.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Scary tales should kept in moderation.
Suppose they are not told any scary tales at a young age, then when they grow up and they become aware of them, it will scare them even more. It will make them very weak.
At the same time, if you tell them too many scary things, then they can get obsessed with fear. Both extremes should be avoided. A little bit of scary things can be there but not too much; especially video games.
I feel video games should not be violent. Children shoot in the video screen and think it is just a game, and then in the real life they start shooting people because they don’t find the difference between the virtual world and the real world. This is a problem. So I would prefer that children should not have violent video games.

Q: Are all relationships based on previous karma?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Yes.
Do you know, sometimes a soul who wants to come into the world, it picks up one man and one woman and then creates such an attraction between them. So these two people come closer, and the moment they have the first child, suddenly all the love disappears between them.
How many of you have seen such a thing happening?
So after the first child, because the soul's job is done, it came to the world, then it does not worry about what the parents do. So suddenly after the first child, the couple loses all the attraction.
Not always, don’t think it is for everybody always. In some cases it happens. Sometimes it happens after the third or fifth child as well. Suddenly they cannot stand each other, because their personalities were artificially brought together by the spirit who wanted to come into the world.
So this is happening, but not always; about 30% you can say, and they definitely end up in divorce because in these cases the two people do not match at all. Nothing matches between them. Suddenly one realizes, ‘Oh, we thought we were soul mates for life and what happened? I am totally different and we can never match each other.'
This thing comes up.
Life is like that, friends become enemies and enemies become friends.
You haven’t done anything good to a person and they have started doing good to you. So friends or enemies, it does not matter. Your life runs by some different laws of karma. That is why, put all your friends and enemies in one basket, because a ten year friendship can turn into enmity, and an enemy can become a great friend to you at any time. It all depends on you and your karma.

Q: What is a good way to accept the death of a beloved?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Time will take its own course. Don’t try to accept or do anything. If the pinch is there, it is there, it will go away.
Time is the biggest healer. As time moves it just takes you further and further. So don’t try to do anything, time will take care of it.
Or wake up and see everybody is going to go one day. They took an earlier flight, you will be taking a later flight. That is all.
So people who have gone already, tell them, 'A few years later I will meet you there.'
Say bye for now. You will see them later at another place.

Q: I have no family, what can I do to feel less alone?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Come on, I’ve given you such a big family, a true family and a family that really cares for you.
Never think you have no family, I am your family. That is why I come here for Christmas and New Year every year. Why should I come otherwise?!

Q: What is the best way to make you happy?
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You being happy and making others happy.
You don’t have to try and make me happy, I am anyway happy. But I’ll be more happy if you can help others. Not just by giving them some gifts or throwing them a party, but by giving them knowledge and making them very strong.
If you can bring people into this knowledge, that would be the best thing.
When people listen to Ashtavakra Gita, they say that their lives have been transformed. How many of you experienced this? (Many raise their hands)
When you listen to Ashtavakra Gita, your whole outlook towards life changes.

育儿的艺术

問:如果能讓我們的孩子在這個有時候看似困難的世界裡快樂的成長該有多好。在他們還太小不適合靜坐的時候,我們除了給他們很多的愛還能給他們些什麼呢?
古儒吉:就只是和他們玩遊戲。 不要一直都像是個老師般的在教他們東西。事實上應該去向他們學習並尊重他們。也不要對他們太認真。我還記得在我小時候,每逢傍晚我的父親回家的時候,他就只是單單拍手逗我笑。我的母親是很嚴格但是我的父親在我們坐下來吃飯之前就只是拍手逗我們笑。所以不要無時無刻都只是在教育他們,就只是和他們一起慶祝,和他們嬉戲,和他們一同歌唱。這是最好的。如果你拿著藤條然後說,“不可以這樣做,不可以那樣做”,這是不好的。
對於小孩子,我覺得你們應該多和他們玩遊戲,有時也要說故事給他們聽。我們在小時候聽了很多好聽的故事。每天一個故事。在帶大孩子的過程當中用這種方式灌輸價值觀給他們是好的。如果你告訴他們好聽又有趣的故事那麼他們就不會長時間呆在電視前。有很多給小孩子的故事;有Panchatantra古印度的故事集)。我們的一個信徒正在做Panchatantra的卡通。很快就會完成了。所以父母和孩子一起坐下來並告訴他們富有道德教育的故事是很好的
有道德教育的故事是好的。和孩子們有個有品質的相處時間大慨一個小時或半個小時就已經很好了。另外,也不要只是和他們坐著5到6個小時,這會讓他們窒息。有品質的45分鐘到一個小時是好的,而這段時間必須是很有趣的。他們應該會很期待這段和你坐在一起和聽故事的時間。
我還記得,我有個叔叔,他很胖,很白,並有個圓圓的臉蛋。

每個星期天他會來我們家說故事給我們聽。我們全都坐在他身上而他會告訴我們很好聽的故事,他会保留些故事的結尾好讓我們好奇下一次的故事會有什麼會發生。所以我們會有這樣的性格。要不然,你的孩子也可以去說故事給別的孩子們聽。他們的父母也會很高興。他們會找到人照顧孩子,這也會是個服務計劃。所以人類的互動是需要的。 現代的孩子,從他們早上睡醒開始,他們就像個沒有參與感的見證人般坐在電視前;不對嗎?孩子們坐在電視前不停的轉換電視台。媽媽來叫他們說“嘿,來吃早餐吧”,而他們卻一動也不動的。有時候,媽媽必須把早餐送到電視機前面。這種文化是不好的。你們覺得呢?你們多少人同意我的說法?不應該讓孩子看超過一個小時的電視。你應該限制看電視的時間,不然孩子就會有這種注意力缺失症(Attention Deficiency Syndrome)。腦袋過度被那些影片轟炸,導致它不能記得其它的事情而孩子在之後就會變得枯燥。他們不能應對任何事情。幸好在我們還小的時候並沒有電視機。你們有多少人是在沒有電視機的環境下長大的?我們都在沒有電視機的環境下長大。所以有電視機的孩子並不見得一樣聰明。你應該限制看電視的時間為最多兩個小時。
就算是大人,一兩個小時也就夠了,不可以再多了。對大人也會是太多。你知道,腦子裡的這些神經線會因為看太多電視而負擔過甚。有時候人們逼我看電視說“古儒吉,這個很好”。我不能看超過半個小時或一個小時。它對心智真的很負擔。我好奇人們怎麼能一個禮拜看兩三部電影。我告訴你這真的是會消耗腦細胞。只要看那些從電影院出來的人們,他們看起來有沒有精力旺盛,有活力和快樂?他們走進電影院,當他們走出來的時候,他們看起來怎麼樣?無論那部電影有多好看,他們還是看起來憔悴;完全的疲憊和毫無光澤,對不對?如果你從來沒發現到,就只是站在電影院外面。你應該看看人們走進去電影院和當他們走出來的時候。你會看到明顯的分別。你們有多少人發現了這個?即使是你也一樣。任何的娛樂應該是讓你更有活力,但是看電影的話,它並不是那樣的。假設你去看一場現場演出,這會比那個好些,你不會覺得疲憊。你去看場現場的音樂演出,它不會那麼糟。你會感到疲憊,但是沒那麼多。有多少人發現這一點?而當你來到唱場,它是完全相反的。當你進來,你覺得不一樣,而當你離開你會覺得精力充沛。  

問:您覺得我們應該告訴小孩子那些恐怖的故事嗎?因為德國有些恐怖的故事而我聽人們說我們不應該告訴小孩子這些故事。
古儒吉:恐怖的故事應該保持在適當的程度。假設他們小時候沒有聽過恐怖的故事,等他們長大的時候聽到那些故事的時候,他們會覺得更害怕。這會讓他們很軟弱。同個時候,如果你告訴他們太多恐怖的事情,他們會沉迷在恐懼裡。兩種極端都應該避免。一些恐怖的事情可以在那裡但是不可太多;尤其是電子遊戲。我覺得電子遊戲不應該是暴力的。孩子們在銀幕上射殺覺得那只是個遊戲,而在現實生活當中他們也開始射殺人因為他們分別不出虛擬的世界和真實的世界。這是個問題。所以我寧可孩子們不玩暴力的電子遊戲。

 問:是否所有的關係都是依據以往的業力?
古儒吉:是。你知道嗎?有時候一個靈魂要來到這個世界,它會選一個男人和一個女人然後製造了他們之間的吸引力。讓這兩個人靠近彼此,而當他們有了第 一個小孩的那一刻,突然間他們之間的愛就消失了。你們當中有幾個人看過這樣的事情發生?所以在第一個孩子後,因為那個靈魂的工作完成了,所以它不再擔心父母所做的了。所以在第一個小孩誕生後,那對情侶就失去了所有的吸引力。不是所有的時候,不要把它想成是所有人在所有的時候都是這樣。在某些情況下這會發生。有時候它會在第三或是第五個孩子之後。突然間他們就再也忍受不了對方,因為他們的性格是那個靈魂偽造好讓他們兩個在一起並讓它來到這個世界。所以這樣的事情發生,不是全都是這樣;你可以說大慨30%而他們一定會以離婚收場因為在這些事件裡這兩個人完全都不相配。他們之間沒有什麼是相配的。突然間其中一個人發現“噢,我們還以為我們是人生當中的心靈伴侶結果呢?我們是完全不同的而我們一點也不適合對方”。這樣的事情發生。
人生就是這樣,朋友變成敵人而敵人變成朋友。你沒有對那個人做了些什麼好事而他們卻對你做了很多好的事情。所以朋友或敵人,它並不重要。你的生命是以不同的業力法則在運行的。這就是為什麼,把你所有的朋友和敵人都放在一個籃子裡,因為一個十年的朋友也可以變成敵對,而敵人也可能分分鐘成為你最好的朋友。這取決於你和你的業力。

問:接受摯愛的人的死亡的最好方法是什麼?
古儒吉:時間會治療一切。不需要試著去接受或做些什麼。如果那個痛在那裡,它就在那裡,它也會離開。時間是最好的痊癒者。當時間在移動,它只會帶你到更遠更遠。所以不需要嘗試做些什麼,時間會照顧一切。或醒來看一看每個人都會有離開的那一天。他們乘了較早的班機,而你會乘較晚的。就是這樣而已。現在先說再見。你會在之後在另外的地方遇見他們。

問:我們沒有家人,我能做些什麼好讓我不覺得那麼孤單?
古儒吉:拜託,我給了你那麼大的一個家庭,一個真正的家庭和一個真正關心你的家庭。不要去想你沒有家人,我就是你的家人。所以我才每年來這裡過聖誕和新年。不然我為什麼要來呢?!

問:讓你快樂的最好方法是什麼?
古儒吉:你的快樂和讓別人快樂。你不需要嘗試讓我快樂,我已經都快樂了。但是如果你可以幫助別人我會更快樂。不只是給他們些禮物或為他們開派對,而是給他們知識並讓他們更強壯。如果你可以帶人們來到這個知識裡,這會是最好的事情。當人們聽到阿什塔夫梵歌,他們說他們的生命被轉變了。你們有多少人經歷了這個?(很多人舉手)當你聽阿什塔夫梵歌你對生命的整個看法都會轉變。

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